I'm too old for this

Ha, that's one hell of a title.

As I've explained to my love, the age of a person is not determined by the chronology of the passing years, but by the soul. I've met people that might only be ten or twenty years younger then me, but are possessed of an old soul. One that has withered, and is jaded and unfulfilled. Then I've met those people that have as much as four decades on me, but have a soul that is alive, vital, enthusiastic, and overflowing with compassion and love.

Up until recently, I've thought that my soul was becoming untended and desolate. A bleak place that would continue to exist, but little else. I was becoming accustomed to lonliness......no, let me qualify that. I was used to being alone. Able to function, with life revolving around family and work, and now around school.

Lately, that has changed, in some ways subtle, in others, profound. I don't wish to speak her name here, as she has chosen to not mention mine in her missives. She is beginning to impact my life; more every day. I find my long-neglected soul is finding new life. I am attending it with more care and attention lately. I even find myself thinking of a future where I am not alone. I really didn't think it would happen.

Sometimes, I find myself trying to reconcil the thoughts I have. I realize that the work will be hard. And the problems arduous. But to actually think of a future with another; to be a husband and father? There is much to do, but she is strong, and I am willing again. And I can be stronger then I was in the past. Not because of her, but because of my recognition of my own qualities. I'm okay. Curious.

I thought I was too old for this. I guess we are all subject to these lapses.